Talk the Talk 话话世界

Today during PA time, Madam Ho asked a question "How do you find Form 6 now?" I gave a short and simple answer "Stress."

I really meant it.

Time management and stress management. When I don't have enough time, I stress. When I stree means I don't have enough time. If I was about to ignore everyone's stuff then I will have more than enough time.

These few days, people will see me as emotionally unstable. I will admit it. My brain never stop for even one second. I had been tired of planning and working for people. i can say they never ask for, I'm the one wanted to but sometimes people just can't be as conscious as I do. When people don't think for people, I'll have to think for people.

It's unfair but what worse is I had been cope with this unfair thing for years.

I really started to fed up recently. I was too busy, when my own demand and request are not fullfill by anyone then why should I fullfilling the other's need. I do know how to just sit and wait.

I really can't stop thinking, I need a rest deperately, a break that get me away from people and let me get through it to know how to social to people.

I was way too stress until I scolded dad on a phone call in school. Look at the sky during that time from sport center. The sky is so blue, the clouds are white, sky can be so wide but why not me? Why am I putting all my anger and stress on other people?

The questions I asked myself: Who the hell in this world has no stress? Who has no problem?

Why am I so lousy and weak that I cannot handle the stress?

Why do I complaining no time... Everyone has 24 hours.

Yes, people asked me to help in stuffs. But do they don't allow me to say No??? They don't... So I'm the one that has the problem not them...

Why I can't say no? Why I must say Yes?

I had been emotionally unstable and caused various things happened. People have to pass their questions to somebody else to ask me. People have to start guessing this and that.

Sometimes I just feel I'm really like a clown. I started all the joking things and so I'm not allowed to have hard feelings. Whenever I'm quiet, whenever I'm  bit no expression, then I'm abnormal, I'm like an allien on street. Why do people expect me to keep talking rubbish and jokes?! I don't deserve a human right to be sad? tired? Or whatsoever?

It's so unfair.From now on, I want a new life... I will clear my debt. Whenever questions on me I will solved. Whatever things that I promised I will do. After that, all things shall be not related to me. I shall learn from the others by just sitting down saying Yes or No or maybe just do the complaint part of job.

The world has people that is selfish and unconsidered... Why do I wanted to change it? Being the only one that like to help others don't change anything. I will be treated like no body after they got what they want. Why don't I just join the trend being selfish and don't think for others. After thinking too much will kill the cells. So I learn that good people has a short life for a reason. From now on, I want a long and healthy life.

Take life easy... I will. Take it as my life.

I want to be strong. First thing that I need is to be less considerate.