Talk the Talk 话话世界

             Surprisingly today I was actually quite normal not over excited or sad. Just a little bit panic when I found I lost Peggy's book. Using my own "eye-sight on brain memory" I remembered I put the book on Eng Yuan's table and didn't take it. And at last I was right. It was such close to get killed by Peggy. So today nothing special until I talked to someone in my class that deeply in love now. He really likes the girl while he went out with her few times. This make me feel a bit down where I don't even have a chance with mine. Ok, never mind.

               I knew she was someone like that, and since I choose be like that, I have to be like that... So knew she was busy so never message her. Actually is I controlled myself not to do that. I knew she had problems. The guy that she like sounds likes doesn't like her or even dumb her. So I asked her to go ask clearly and try best to get the guy. Erm, don't know I was right or wrong. Let myself to be so broken-hearted. Can't imagine one day she said:" Thank you!!! I'm now very happy!!! I enjoy the sweet couple life with him... Thanks for your advice."

                Probably I know what will be happens to me, but yet I can't cross my fingers and cursed them. So I did it the other way, pushing her to him and try letting her be happy. I don't know how many people had scolded me stupid, but I think I really do. Some of them were right... Letting a girl that broke your heart few times, and now you still going forward to the one that might be the hardest blow to yourself... But somehow I just can't do like some of the other guys... Got rejected then immediately find another girl and be with them... I can't... I can't do like complaint how bad is the girl whatever bad about her after she rejected me... I can't do that.

                   Maybe for me, things that I ever get and wouldn’t get are the best. No matter how broken-heart will I am or how alone I'll, I wouldn't share this with other people, telling them who she is or what she did. I understood her. A lot people not that close with her, thinking she's weird and emotional. Maybe she did, but I just can't forget her. I mean I really like her.

                I very hate guys that keep follow the girls although the girls had rejected them. It's so annoying. But... Now I'm doing it. Oh, gosh!!! What happened to me??? I actually did said I'm someone selfish, I'll never say good luck in your love and back to me if you got any trouble... But I actually said that... "When you feel tired or sad, just look for me anytime. I'll help you recharge your battery so that you can fight for your love again." And what I got is just a reply "Why you so good to me?" And I reply "No why. I do thing without a plan. I do it because my heart and feel tell me I should do it..." Perhaps this might be the last message I send to her until that day that she feel sad. But I really hope that day wouldn't be coming...

                During the dark, when I done all the homework and stuffs. I'll start thinking of her. Open up laptop referring things that I prepared to be used as tools for confession... At last they didn't turn up to be useful but became one of the useless trash and member of recycle bin. I just can't permanently delete it. Those are words and songs that I wanted to tell her, give her... But now what I left is just a few words of wishing "Good luck" Good luck" "Good luck" "Be happy" "Be strong" "Take care" "he'll be good to you" ...

                I know there is a girl that tell me I can give a try with her... But, sorry... I can't... I don't want to find any replacement. I rather stay to be like this... Not that she good... Not that the other she is bad... It's just I'm not good enough for both of them. One of them deserved a better one... The other of them deserved and wants another better one...

                Really try not going to find her in days... I'll just see her from far, asking friends about her situation... Just like what I did for last year... Came up at the time she need someone, give her support so that she wouldn't give up. Being a silent guardian during her dark? Might not be a bad choice. At least, I can be less hurt... And she'll be less stress. Came up at the right time when she needs a friend... I'll be that friend if only no one be that friend...

Take care and this my day feeling... I hope it wouldn't change... But for sure if it's change, it'll never be I hare her, it might just be I miss her more and more or... All the best in your life, study and love... (n.n)