Talk the Talk 话话世界

                “I had a dream that my life
would be so different from hell that I’m living…” This is a phrase came from
the song “I dreamed a dream” performed by now one of the greatest miracle in
this world, Susan Boyle during the third season opening of “Britain Got Talent”.

                Honestly, her singing stunned
and touched me, but undeniable the lyric is a part of the success. Everyone does
have a dream, in fact my dream is actually a very huge different from where I
am now, not a 360 degree upside down but at least 180… I do not how should I
face myself now, it’s like if you have dreams in your life… you can call the
little dreams wishes… but if you have 5 wishes in a year where 5 wishes seem
none of it will come true, how will you feel?

                Everyone live a different live,
but in days I lived different life. Few months ago, I’m planning to study
oversea but I didn’t and I changed my plan based on local education. Few weeks
ago, I’m planning to buy a car and I changed again to “no car”. Few days ago, I
went all the way up to Penang, came to my dear friend’s house, got my ass sat
on the driver seat of his “beauty” ride… It’s something about my dream. Driving
a 600k sport car… although it’s not mine but my friend can borrow me use it and
his parents allow it too… Test driving a car that I don’t even know how to
unlock and start engine… Speeding till a speed that I’ll never had… “Flying” with
more than 180km/h on the amazing GTR… I couldn’t say any more… This is my
dream, but it’s not my ride… The one sitting next to me isn’t my dad but my
friend’s dad. I phoned mum… got a reply “No way!!!You can take your friend’s
sport car as your daily-used car…” Undeniable, I have no ability to protect the
car or “run” the car… It’s out of my control…

                My life keep changing and
changing… And today I became a “boy” that sat on a lorry beside my uncle to
have furniture loaded on the lorry and unload it at my and his house… I had
walked with bare foot in a high-class condo… behaved like I’m nothing more but
just an immigrant labor… Getting my shirt to be wet, dry, then wet again.

                Honestly I don’t have plan for
my life… although I started planning earlier than anyone… although I worked as
hard as I can… There are factors… there are people… there are reasons… that
cause one plan by one plan in my life fail one by one… I have dreams now but no
plan… Dream A a professional pharmacist that could work my ass out in a small
little pharmacy to get a steady income of my life… Dream B an unexpected businessman
that could have dozens of ups and downs in life…

                I get to lose interests in lot
things… I knew the news and results of my favorite football team only from Chinese
paper which usually 2 days after the match been held… I been leaving my books
aside for a week without even looked at it… I had missed friends’ outing where
because “too far”… an excuse that could be easily sweep away by any… I mean any
way…I been crazy in playing my first online game and now I left it for weeks…
This is the only good thing about my lately life…

                Since when I dumped friends out
of my list of property… since when I dumped interests out of my daily life…
since when I dumped myself from this world… since when I accept what’s
happening now is the reality of my whole life that will never change… since
when I started to think life is all about destiny and can’t be change… since
when I have all this questions in my head… and since when I feel like breaking
down whenever I think of these questions…

I hope I will never be same like the ending of
Susan Boyle’s performance… “Now life has killed the dream I dreamed…”

From this moment, I accept the fact that my
life always changing… There’s a lot of last minute in my life… included last
minute preparation for exam… last minute sign up for seminars… last minute
shopping… last minute gave up.. And so there’s always possible “last minute
dreams come true” If I can live a life to 80, I can never judge myself a
success life or not until the last 59 seconds… Because I lived a life with a
lot last minute… and last minute brought changes… sometimes it’s good and
sometimes it’s bad… If I’m about to say now I have broke 5 wishes in 2009… It’s
still too early… Other than SPM result… I still have 4 possible wishes to come
true… I will never know the result until the last min countdown of 2010 came…

Just like the song goes “There are dreams
cannot be; and there are storms we cannot weather” I had found dreams that
cannot be, I had faced storms in my life… just like what my dad told me
yesterday during our lunch at Canton-i…

“ 阿hui, 没有可能你人生天天都下雨… 太阳总会有出现的时间…”

My dad’s Chinese
wasn’t that good… but he said something that never came from my brain

“I may have
rain all the time in my life, dark and hopeless… but there’s will always be a
sunny day…”

It’s a very
simple lesson… but I took a long time to figure out…

Susan Boyle
lived a 47 years life on earth where she is just a single normal lady…

But it’s
all different after this year; she is now a miracle… And even far away from her
hometown, there’s a young 18 Malaysian who have thoughts inspired by her and
decided to write a long blog post… If someone waited 47 years to have her dream
come true…

I just had
18 years passed… Why conclude my life as a “waiting to be ended” life???

Wow!!! I
walked a very long journey in a MAZE… And I finally walked out from it….